Dr Lois Frankel is a superb speaker and author of books such as 'Nice girls don't get the corner office'. Her talk this morning at the Business Chicks event was superb! Here are some really practical guidelines that we can all apply.
1. We must speak loudly and clearly - people like people with high energy!
2. Do something different to be noticed - what do I have to do differently?3. If women think they can't do it they just don't. Men take more risks.
4. Ask yourself - What are the rules for membership in your family? These rules and how you followed them impact the way in which you interact in organisations.
5. When in a meeting be amongst the first 2 or 3 speakers. Don't always give your opinion and you can still participate by asking or answering questions. Just make your voice heard. The longer you wait the more you will be marginalised.
6. What else do you have to add to your tool kit or skills set to be successful? Get along with other people, relationships, find your voice etc
7. Trying to teach women not to cry in the workplace is like teaching pigs to sing
Immediately excuse yourself from the room ("You can see I have strong feelings about this I am going to excuse myself'). Ask what am I angry about - we often turn anger to tears. Put words to it and return and explain why you are angry.
8. There is a glass ceiling, discrimination and no gender equity.But you can be proactive. Nice girls act like the little girls they are taught to be in childhood.
Should you be nice? Yes. But what skills do you need to use to balance out the nice?
9. Nice girl syndrome = disease to please.
You act in ways to make others like you.
Avoid being too powerful out of fear that men will reject you. You're between a rock and a hard place. Too powerful = being called names and not powerful = no goals.
There is an 'Old boys club' and we live in a white male system. The System designed to keep its power and to maintain itself.
Avoid aggressively pursuing your goals because it may make others uncomfortable.
10. You don't ask for what you really want. Usually we don't ask until it’s offered.11. What's the opposite of a nice girl? A winning woman. Evaluate the past, vision the future. Live your values by using and sharing your connections. Prepare for push backs. Craft meaningful messages. Manage expectations. Build relationships that work for you.
12. Don't act like men. We live in a society where we don't like women who act like men and vice versa.
The top 10 mistakes nice girls make:
1. Not getting it - accept that there is a glass ceiling. Don’t wait to be invited to the glass tree house, engage in the strategies that will get you noticed. Accept what the system is and do something about it.
2. Working too hard - you work too hard. Women are miracle workers. They get the job done with fewer resources and miracle workers don't get recognized. Find the base line for hard work in every organization. Some have high baselines for hard work. You have to work up to the baseline or else you will be called out. Guys usually laugh, negotiate or delegate to a woman when asked to perform a miracle. Women jump in too soon.
3. Not setting boundaries
4. Striving for perfection - women work twice as hard to be considered half as good. You will never achieve perfection. It is an exercise in futility. Guys know when good enough is good enough.
5. Ignoring the look and sound of success - 50% of credibility comes from how you look, 40% comes from how you sound (clear, loud enough, and articulate), 10% from what you say. It is given at a certain point in your career that you know what you're talking about, now you need to differentiate yourself.
6. Unclear vision/branding - you are a brand in the workplace. We emotionally connect to certain brands. Have your own sponsors and advocates to credentialise you. Do the beer test- when I meet you do I want to sit down and have a beer with you?
7. Staying too long in a bad situation = the sunken cost dilemma. $5000 for the new car, $1000 on new tyres, then $1000 on transmission, another $750 on radiator. Sooner or later I won't have to out more money into it? Know when it is time to walk away. What am I getting out of this?
8. To wait to be given what you want, rather than asking for it. At Princeton they saw men in higher positions that women and assumed it was due to sexism but they discovered it was because women were waiting to be invited.
9. Using too many words - when we talk to guys you don't get feedback. Waiting for an interaction and keep talking hoping you will get that. The more you talk the more diluted your message. Nobody wants to know what’s in your head. Ask if the person's question has been asked? Answer first then ask. The is the cue to the other person to speak.
10. Trust your financial security to someone else - don't turn your financial portfolio to someone else and then leave it alone. Stay involved.
Tips for being in meetings:
What women do wrong in meetings:
Don't sit on your foot
Don't fold your hands in your lap - have them on the table
Don't wait for your turn to talk - everything will be said first
Don't go and get another chair if there are none - you’ll be stuck on the corner. Ask people to move over.
Always sit next to the most powerful person in the room even if there are lots if chairs
Don’t play with hair
Unless your name is Betty Crocker don't bring food to meetings
Don't volunteer to be the scribe unless it is rotated - use a sense of humor to start a rotation system
Don't apologize all the time
Interrupt people who go on and on by saying,"Llet me just make sure that I understand you correctly," and then summarize what they have said and then give your counterpoint.